Conquer Performance Anxiety

Stanko & Tibor: Performance Anxiety Performance Anxiety – The Reality

In my last post — that a total of three people read (two are in hospital because the content and drawing caused them to vomit, while the other one was already deemed criminally insane for shouting at and harassing fruit in supermarkets) —  I said that people with tattoos should wear them more proudly, on their faces, specifically.

I was extra-wrong.


While on the metro the other evening, a woman was standing at the door some 10 feet away from me. In addition to her arms, legs, torso and feet being covered in tattoos, her face was also inked all over the place.  Some dark green pattern that could have been a snake eating a mongoose. Or a saxophone and a tuba. Whatever. Talk about a hideous performance.

For a brief moment I said to myself “Self, would I have the courage, or dare I say temerity, to exit the home, in broad daylight, no mask,  with my face scarred with color for all to see – especially at work?” I felt the anxiety build in my chest just thinking about it.

Simply, the answer is no.

But it does teach us a lesson about these painted people. If you’re willing to maul your face with permanent pigment, I guess you can handle the stress of just about anything. You’re a performer, not afraid of the slings and arrows (and maybe bullets) that a shallow society will heap on you, especially when you’re crossing the border to the USA. You show no fear, no worry, no anxiety.

Genuine Anxiety

On a tangentially unrelated note, with the impending Summit of the Criminals in Helsinki between Putin and Trump, I’d be concerned if I were Don Don. If you’re about to go see your boss, who is let’s say a pathological murderer AND the head of nation of alcoholics, and you’re up for your performance review, wouldn’t you have just the slightest tinge of anxiety?

What will Donald do before he kisses Putin’s ruble? Does Donnie have to fill out a performance review document and get it reviewed by HR by the time he reaches Helsinki? Does Putin even use modern HR software to log his comments regarding the mediocre performance of his most prominent lackey?

After all, it was Trump’s top goal to remove sanctions on Russia. The crushing democracy and sewing racism and hatred weren’t really stretch goals. They were gimmes. But the sanctions, they are worse than before! What do you think Vlady is going to say to that?

Tin Man to Straw Man

So it’s a man with no heart trying to explain to a man with no brain how to improve his performance. This may prove to be a problem unless visual aids and vodka are employed.

I can only imagine that if President Putin doesn’t get his top employee to get things going, Vlad may just have Melania Trump reprogrammed and sent back to the Olde Country to reverse the sex change operation, leaving Trump with yet another divorce bill.

Oh, think of the boat load of anxiety poor Donald is going through. Poor fellow.

Primordially yours,
Gronk Ungh Druker of Cave 11

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