Chinese Fortunes

As the evening draws to a close and as night sets in, I sit here at my computer, finally having created a new comic. You have no idea how much joy this brings to a tired soul who has been busier than a baton-wielding cop at a G20 summit arresting anarchists, leftists, hippies, liberals, the homeless, and of course, innocent tourists, single mothers and passers-by who are at the wrong place at the wrong time. Ah, nothing like the indiscriminate wielding of power (a.k.a. a metal baton) by someone who joined the law enforcement cadre with a stellar high school diploma. Makes for GREAT TV.

Man, I was happy I wasn’t in Toronto for that. But it made for useful fodder for this month’s comic. Heaven knows there are many other topics I could have chosen, but this one was easy to draw and do quickly. And speed was of the essence because, if the Internet and impatient type-A bosses and blow hard leaders with no real vision have taught us, do it fast and deal with the mess later.

Most humans forget everything anyway, we’re not good long-term thinkers as a species goes, generally. We think about our next meal, pay check, copulation and avoiding stuff that causes anxiety, like doing the garden or filing taxes. Truth be told, if we did think about the long-term on a regular basis, there wouldn’t be semi-senitent people with horrible tattoos, Internet stories about that girl who slept with the giant loser on a bet while under the influence of drugs and/or booze, the Quebec separatist party, wars, terrorists, tans-fats, or politicians. We would stop and think about it for a bit, say to ourselves over a cup of tea or coffee that it wouldn’t be prudent to put that live rodent pet into an electric device like a microwave.

But we would be boring and history class would be utterly boring thus denying many an unemployable, bearded, greasy filmmaker a chance to make a documentary about exciting past events that most of us have already forgotten due to pill and smoked meat abuse. Even worse than that, if we humans were good long-term thinkers, I wouldn’t have slept around in my youth and done Jell-O shots of the stomach of a woman equally blitzed and of low self-esteem and moral character. (Wonder if I still have her number…)

I do take pride that I can give you all something to hopefully laugh at while the searing, blazing heat wave that is punishing us shows no sign of letting up. Melted roads, baked roofs, dried grasses, wilted flowers, smelly people on the bus. Icky. The heat has warped my brain more than usual – which is saying something.

So now it’s time to crawl into bed that is soft and puffy, and to dream about an impending vacation, about places far away from work, far away from my overgrown, junlgle-like lawn that I have to mow this weekend in the name of neighborhood solidarity, and far from the pavement-melting heat I stride through on my way to work every Monday through Friday where I give my pound of flesh.

Keep reading, keep eating and keep well. And keep the lights on so I don’t fall down the stairs on my way to a midnight snack.

Helios Druker, Greek God of Burnt Meats

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