To those of you who have made it through winter without succumbing to the need to leap on a tanning bed, fly south, read this comic or drink huge quantities of Aquavit, I ask, what is wrong with you? Now if you turned that question around and asked what is wrong with me, I’d have to distract you by screaming “Oh my God! What’s that over there?!” and then run out of the room.
As February ends, I anticipate the coming of spring in a couple of months and what that will mean for my wardrobe – specifically eliminating the torture of choosing the right coat that won’t make me sweat like a pig under a heat lamp in Jamaica in June. The early morning juggle of what sweater & coat combination to put together so I don’t arrive at work looking like I ran a marathon in a wet suit.
And speaking of work, if you put a monetary value on all the key strokes I put out into space tapping out email after email after email, all the PowerPoint slides I read and create, and all the meetings I have to sit through where I have to hear terms like “incentivizing”, “expand the envelope” and best-of-breed”, well, to be polite, I am working cheap. It’s enough to make me want to take out my frustrations via exercise. Well, almost.
You see exercise, particularly when at a gym, is a soul-destroying affair. You go in, you sweat, and what do you come out with? Smelly clothes and armpits. I should win something every time I leave the gym, like an iPod or a chocolate bar. Now that would be good incentivizing!
So, as you read this installment of the digitally chronicled oracle once touted by the New York Times Book Review as “disturbing” and “an argument against free speech” think of the good you are doing society by not working out at a gym and watching TV or surfing the Internet instead.