Category Archives: Day-to-Day

Day-to-Day, Frustration & Complaint

Bread and Opinions

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Bread & Opinions: Similar in a Bad Way

Having just made a pile of bread crumbs from way too much bread stuck in the freezer I was thinking, pre-coffee I might add, that bread in all its myriad forms is quite similar to opinions we form as humans (and semi-humans like Putin and most of the MAGA crowd). It’s uncanny in a way how similar they are. Let me digress.

Fresh bread, untoasted of course, is a thing to behold. Depending on the quality of the ingredients, the skill of the baker and the recipe, you can mix  a pile of disparate ingredients into a dough, let it rise (or not, depending on the bread) and bake it hopefully to perfection for near-immediate consumption. (With maybe fresh butter if you’re not lactose intolerant, or if you indeed are lactose intolerant and don’t mind passing a ton of gas.)

Underbaked bread isn’t as bad as you think but be prepared for gaseous emissions from the  gluteal region.

Overbaked bread is usually worse, as the crust is either too thick or it tastes burnt. That’ll give you heartburn and I have enough of that already from looking at my credit card bill.

“Smart” Opinions

Opinions–good, bad, otherwise–are quite similar to bread in all its stages of existence. And underformed and underbaked opinions are no different. They’ll give you a stomach ache and useless worries, kind of like when your anxious, almost 84-year-old mother tells you you’ll get sick if you eat that! You usually eat it to spite her, but that’s another story for my many, many therapists and parole officers. But I digress again.

Take artificial intelligence as an example. People have formed all kinds of underbaked opinions on how it’s going to take over the world, make us redundant to the robots and set off a unintended nuclear war because billionaire douche bag Elon Musk said so.

Wrong.

A.I. is at its root a really good effort to predict a result or behaviour or action using energy-intensive servers and chips together with computing parameters to determine a likely outcome, based on whatever crappy, biased data it’s fed by the ‘data scientist’ (who doesn’t even wear a white lab coat! How can he/she/they/it be a so called ‘scientist’ without a lab coat and not being part of a shady ‘institute’? That’s my opinion of course, and it’s right.)

We don’t know what to make of A.I. yet as it’s still early days. ChatGPT and the rest of those generative A.I. bots are largely one-trick ponies that do nothing to tackle problems like drug discovery and modeling exceptionally complex structure. Not yet, at least.

Just take comfort in the fact that large, faceless, opaque, borderless, unruly, semi-lawful corporations and countries are at the A.I. helm with a deep profit motive or nefarious spying activities, and little government oversight or any regulation or forethought.  Like all problems, it’ll go away if we ignore it.

Mouldy Opinions

Like a bread, opinions can grow stale quickly, and if left in a dark, moist place, grow mouldy rather quickly. Those opinions, whether they contain non-GMO wheat harvested by virgins, healthy nuts, or even fancy-ass spring water from a depleted water table can turn green and thus smell up your garbage bin or worse, spread to other parts, thus requiring a severe clean with borax, thus using more water and cleaning products to pollute environment.

A good mouldy, stinky opinion is the rationale used by the founders of ‘Animaid Café’ a.k.a. ‘Hooters for incels‘.  (Thanks for sharing, Lars.) It’s perfectly fine to have young women dress up like servile, sexually objectified maids to entertain male clients with café foods. The world needs more of that as opposed to funding the NHS. Unsurprisingly, business is booming. Manchester males, you can be proud that you’re funding and perpetuating a place you think is ‘cute’ and ‘harmless’…

Anatomically Speaking

Opinions, however, should be more readily likened to a specific anatomical structure, namely, the ass hole. As stated by many hairy and sleep-deprived wisemen over the ages, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, some are smelly, some are not, some are hairy, some handle spicy foods better than others, and not too many people like discussing them in public unless they’re a specialist. (See any talk show on cable TV in the last 50 years.)

Opinions, unlike bread, are also like mouths, another orifice from which a lot of crap spews, albeit in less solid form than the aforementioned exit point. Yes, everyone has a mouth, unless it has been sewn shut by Chinese and Russian secret police, and much uninformed blather gets puts out in the universe (or metaverse if you can’t deal with reality, you coward).

Now, I’m not saying we should limit opinions to what I believe is fair, correct and acceptable. Who am I kidding? That’s exactly what I want. Me and a few of my closest friends and family. Get together once a week over fresh danish and coffee, maybe a nice plate of fruit and if they’re fresh –and not toasted — a dozen bagels.

Now I’m hungry. Well, that put a screeching halt to this rant. Thank goodness too.

Sincerely hungry,
Chef Jon

Who should be responsible for policing stupid opinions?

Day-to-Day, Frustration & Complaint, Meaning of Life

Environmental Jeans

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Environmental Jeans and Such

It took very little time for me to realize that 2023 will be just as big an environmental nightmare as 2022 was. As I peaked outside the window and saw the thick layer of freezing rain that had accumulated on my car and the stairs leading out of my place, I knew Mother Nature was giving me (and most likely the rest of the globe) the metaphorical finger for having peed in too may rivers and eaten too many petroleum-based foods. She’s not wrong.

So to liberate the vehicle from its ice tomb, I got out of my nightshirt (don’t judge me), donned t-shirt and sweatshirt and then slipped on my comfy jeans only to realize that there were many small tears and holes. It miffed me that these jeans I had purchased not more than 2 years ago were failing apart, likely due to either poor quality materials, cost-cutting and the slave labour being used to produce said garment probably hadn’t been fed in a week.

It’s no secret that the word ‘assholes’ was running through my brain when I saw the shoddy state of affairs for these comfy jeans. Was I incensed that it was most likely made in a sweat shop, or that the environmental degradation used to dye and ship these jeans was no doubt prolific? Of course not. I’m still feeling bad about the 2 boxes of Pop Tarts I ate last month knowing they took a good 6 months off my life span. I can only handle so much guilt.

Driven to Distraction

After working up quite the sweat removing the ice and shovelling the frozen snow surrounding my vehicle, I came back in the house and checked my phone for interesting emails and news (I know, ma. I’m addicted to my phone. You don’t have to remind me) before running some errands in my now warmed up, carbon-spewing car. It has heated seats. Why do I mention that? I believe the heat passed through my ‘hole-y’ jeans to my hairy buttocks unimpeded by thick, high quality jeans material. Maybe I will keep these jeans a while longer…

After driving about, toasted buns and all, I got home, had a chocolate danish of insanely gooey quality that I earned from shovelling and de-icing, and proceeded to draw the comic you hopefully read and most likely sneered at given its amateurish quality.

I rapidly forgot about the environmental issues previously mentioned, and focused more on the mental ones, like why the heck are humans devoting time, effort, resources and actual money to creating virtual human beings to sell to other people? For the metaverse? Are we so stupid as a society that we are expending brain matter on crap like this? That is mental.

[Note to readers: I am pretty sure I have offended many by using the term ‘mental’. Let me assure you, I meant as much harm as possible to any and every group. It’s my New Year’s resolution since 2022’s resolution to eat fewer Pop Tarts and pass wind less failed miserably. I’m focusing on more attainable goals.]

Misspent and Misdirected Energy

I think I now understand the purpose of this so called metaverse. It will be the only place left where I’ll be able to see a tree or a green field after we have destroyed the environment. They’ll probably charge me real money to touch a virtual leaf. Bastards.

Speaking of virtual stuff, I’m constantly amazed at the amount of useless crap and electronic gadgets humans misspend on developing these toys. Just look at CES this year. Before you castigate me for being a hypocrite, I am the first to admit that I’d burn down an orphanage if you took away my phone or iPad or computer.

That having been said, couldn’t we probably cure cancer and fix the environment if we spent even half our energies and money on those two issues instead of inventing the first hands-free connected home urine lab? You mean the other ones weren’t hands-free? Gross.

But I digress.

For 2023, let’s resolve to be better people, buy less crap, maybe take more walks and refrain from calling each other names, unless it’s well deserved.

Sincerely hairy,
L’il Jon Druker, Napper Extraordinaire

In 2023, I resolve to...

Day-to-Day, Frustration & Complaint, Meaning of Life

Disinformation or Misinformation – You Choose

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Disinformation or Misinformation: You ChooseDisinformation or Misinformation: You ChooseDisinformation or Misinformation: You ChooseDisinformation or Misinformation: You ChooseDisinformation or Misinformation: You ChooseDisinformation or Misinformation: You ChooseDisinformation or Misinformation: You ChooseDisinformation or Misinformation: You Choose

Disinformation or Misinformation – You Choose

Recently scientists with nothing better to do than make stupid science jokes calculated that the earth hols approximately 20 quadrillion ants. That’s a lot of zeroes, fifteen to be exact, and a lot of critters. And some really bored scientists.  It’s also an interesting piece of information.

According to the article, for every human alive on the planet, there are roughly 2.5 million ants. When I read that nugget of info, I thought this must be some kind of misinformation created by the  cabal of chemical companies that sell pest control products like Raid or the Pop Tarts I so fondly consume like a junkie.

My next thought wandered and meandered for a bit before it settled on the war atrocities in Ukraine. Wouldn’t it be great if we could take maybe 100 million of those ants and smother them all over that psychopath Putin after having been dipped in dark molasses. It should would make for some great reality TV as well an Internet meme.

The Source of Mis- and Disinformation

After all, one cannot think of that war, and its absurd, cruel justification, without coming across the words misinformation and/or disinformation. Sure, you could use the word “lies” but that would mean I have to rewrite the title of this blog and it’s too late in the day for that.

Where and when did misinformation and disinformation start? Was it in the time of the cavemen? Sorry, cave people – I wouldn’t want to offend their powerful media lobby. There were certainly cave women, cave children and no doubt sexually ambiguous cave people. Then again with all that body hair and animal furs, how could you tell one  caveman apart from another? But I digress.

No one knows for sure where and when disinformation started. Some historians believe that disinformation started about 315,000 years ago in per-historic times when a Neanderthal named Unk in cave 36b told his mate Gwendolyn he spends his Sunday nights down by the river fishing and contemplating the meaning of life. In reality, he would double-back and go to cave 17 to play poker with the boys and watch strippers. Poor Neanderthals — always getting a bad rap — lots of misinformation about them out there.

What Information Is True?

Since we as media-consuming modern people no longer can tell if a story, an article, a news report or a Bugs Bunny cartoon is genuinely true, and not some made up story meant to confuse us while the Russians try to sell us expired borscht, how do we know what to believe? What information is actually true?

Here is my advice:

  • If someone with an eye patch and a limp named Manny says “here, eat this, it’s fresh”, be very careful.
  • If the story you’re reading online is authored by someone named Vladimir P. or Donald J. T., take heed.
  • If you’re financial advisor says “You’ll make a killing with crypto! Trust me” then run away and call the police.

That’s about all the wisdom I can spare.

Wishing you peace, joy and a year’ supply of fresh danish.

Utu the Powerful

What disinformation have you propagated recently?

Day-to-Day, Frustration & Complaint, Meaning of Life

He’s Dead, Jim

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Spider DiesSpider DiesSpider DiesSpider DiesSpider DiesSpider DiesA Dead Spider?

This is not a Start Trek-related rant. Although the person who inspired me for this instalment of the blog no one reads, or at least admits to reading, unless they are in a confessional or on death’s door, genuinely is a Trekkie. Let’s just call him Jim.

It is winter and the holiday season is here in full swing with conflicting messages from all manner of outlets – continued materialistic consumption ad nauseum vs Papal demands for humility and spending caps on gifts. And of course Omicron (who many people thought was a character on the Transformers TV series from when I was a kid). It’s a confusing time.

How this all relates to a dead spider is a bit of a long-winded tale that I should shorten for those with short attention spans, namely all literate earthlings with an internet connection and a pulse.

New Age Spider Tolerance

Where I live, it has been a dry winter, with little snow. Warmer than usual and ever the sounds of birds that usually migrate, hanging around asking for directions south and to the nearest bird feeder.

Stories of climate change, climate crises, climate-controlled chip factories and sexy climatologists have dominated much of the news this year (if you discount the January 6th attack on American democracy by small-brained lunatics).  Frequently, the message has been we need to do something about this before Mother Nature actually locks us out of the house.

In my bumbling, uninformed opinion, Mother Nature isn’t trying to tell us something. She’s already told us a thousand times to clean up our rooms and we ignored her. So now, like any parent who’s given up hope, she’s focusing on her life and taking time to go the spa and letting the house fall apart while she’s out drinking tequila slammers and having casual sex.

But I digress. (It’s my best skill.)

Countless studies and reports have shown us how we have irreparably disturbed animal habitats, while human-induced climate change  has forced animals of all species to move to where they can survive. Lobsters are migrating north. Sharks too. Beavers are now in the arctic. (Funny, no animals are moving south to Florida or Texas. They must fear for their lives given there’s no gun control.)  Even hairy, loathsome, fear-inducing spiders too are adversely affected by climate change.

Wishing or Squishing Your Enemies Dead

Yet most people I know want spiders dead. Not maimed, not incapacitated, not neutered, not even resettled — but dead. Even the kindest, sweetest people want them dead.

Famed humanitarian Albert Schweitzer was quoted as saying, “The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others. Spiders, however, should be crushed mercilessly with an iron boot!” Likewise Mother Theresa was quoted as saying “I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together we can do great things. Like killing every last spider in this village with an iron boot!”

Even noted psychopathic expansionist and part-time flower shop owner Attila the Hun was quoted as saying “If I find one more damn spider in my yurt, so help me god, I will rampage across Asia and Europe and lay waste to the Romans too! Man, I wish had an iron boot.”

What happened to new age spider tolerance? What has the arachnid ever done to you to warrant death? They just want to eat bugs and freak you out when you run into their widely strewn webs. Is that so wrong?

Holiday Mirth and Death

If, during this time of holidays and short sunlit days in the northern hemisphere, you have a chance to ruminate, meditate, cogitate or pontificate on Nature and all forms of life, take pleasure in all those around you, human and animal. But if you need to crush a spider that lands on your table while you eat, don’t tell anyone I said it was ok.

Mirthfully manic,
Mundzuk Of the Huns Druker

Day-to-Day, Frustration & Complaint

To Vax or Not – The Idiot’s Question

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The Idiot's QuestionThe Idiots Question The Idiots QuestionsThe Idiot’s Question

Modern day reality TV shows know no depth to which they will not sink in order to attract viewers. They’re aimed at idiots. It’s why people still love Big Brother that’s now translated into 3000 languages and is broadcast in every country and planet in the Milky Way. Turns out there’s unintelligent life in other parts of the galaxy. Idiots outnumber us, dear readers. Big time.

Same goes for competitive cooking shows. They exploit people who truly love to cook only to be yelled at and belittled for an international audience. Maybe even an intergalactic audience. And worse, they’re hosted by arrogant idiots who give their willing cooks ingredients like old socks, fermented goat anuses and mineral oil and expect them to come up with a delicious meal in a TV-timed 22 minutes.

Given that the-idiots-to-not-idiots ratio is about 6 billion to 1, I decided that I too could come up with an idea for a reality show that would be a smash hit. Switch the governments of the Taliban and Haiti to run each other’s country for 6 months and see which one explodes first.  But it would have to be hosted by an arrogant, self-important and stupid host from CNN. There are many to choose from.

So what does the world of idiot TV shows have to do with sub-mental people who question whether to vax or not to vax?

Idiots & Questions

It’s a tenuous argument at best, given that I haven’t had a chocolate danish in over 3 weeks. However, I think that the global pervasiveness of stupidity has infected humanity, which has led to anti-vaxxers. What else could explain why a sane person would refuse a vaccination against a virus that has killed more than 4 million people?

You’d rather take horse de-worming medicine and potentially lose your sight than take a vaccine? You’d rather listen to anti-vaxxers who have died because of COVID than take your medicine? You’d rather tell people you’re firmly anti-science and think drinking bleach will solve the problem? This can only mean one thing – idiocy must be a side effect of being an anti-vaxxer. Or is it the other way around?

I’d bet you that if you gave people free pornography and beer you’d convince more people to get the vaccine than lotteries, guilt-trips, cash incentives and celebrity endorsements combined.

Greater Threat

Now I am concerned. Maybe a genetic trait of anti-vaxxers is an expressive idiot gene They become not just half-wits, but full-on morons! They’ll procreate even more and spread not just their flawed mental traits, but they’ll spread rumours like dogs having two noses (One dog does, actually.  I couldn’t resist that wildly gratuitous non-sequitur. I stumbled on it while surfing on Flipboard).

Obviously more education isn’t the answer. We’ve tried that. Neither is coercion, nor threats, endorsements, financial incentives or even people actually dying from the virus.

My suggestion is this: Have the secret shadow world government run by Marion Dawson and Disney Corp. activate the microchip given to us in the COVID vaccine and instruct us to gather all the anti-vaxxers, put them on ships and send them to live with the Taliban for one year on an isolated island with no food or clothing.

Now there’s a great idea for a reality TV show.

Disturbingly disturbed and full of grilled pork,
Dalai Lama Trinley Gyatso

Day-to-Day, Meaning of Life

Artificial Intelligence for the Stupid

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Artificial Intelligence Artificial Intelligence Artificial Intelligence Artificial Intelligence Artificial Intelligence Artificial Intelligence Artificial Intelligence Artificial IntelligenceArtificial Intelligence Isn’t As Smart As You Think It Is

Who is more stupid? Humans or is artificial intelligence? I read a little while ago that there’s a list of 403 forbidden words used to filter search and website results. The AI program in some search engines uses this list to keep ‘bad’ words from showing up in search results and potentially offending viewers of the global cesspit that is the Internet.

I didn’t look at this list (yet) and I’m sure it’s missing entries that my father used to curse me and others at random points in his life when he was brought powdered sugar donuts that His Royal Highness didn’t deem to be fresh enough. But I digress.

Using AI to detect meaning and context in language is very difficult. With artificial intelligence you need to give it to a developer who understands computer languages. That very faulty human has to somehow figure out a way to have an algorithm understand, recognize and learn about those bits of vocabulary, usually without context, and then get it to figure out you are indeed searching for, let’s say, “feckless hairy pinatas” and not “recipes with cherries and bananas.”

It’s pretty darn complicated.

Logic, Language and Context

Let’s say you’re wildly passionate about metal fastening devices and you type in the word “screw” – you may not want to be led to a website that shall we say is chiefly concerned with advancing carnal knowledge (via credit card) and shows off heavily tattooed and physics-defying intimate body interactions. Or maybe you do. I am not here to judge. Yet.

You see human language has nothing to do with logic. Let alone artificial intelligence. Or animal intelligence. It’s about conveying an idea or information for many interesting reasons. Sometimes it’s to show dominance, display accumulated knowledge, make people laugh, or to purchase a fresh chocolate danish, and not the one that’s been dropped by the ham-fisted teenager behind the counter.

In numerous studies done by a guy named Manny in a remote fishing village, he determined that most often language is used to get another person to pay attention to you so you can fish through their pockets for valuables while they’re not looking. This sounds quite credible to me.

Have We Learned Anything?

Absolutely nothing. All we can really assume after this short rant is that I doubt that the masters of this list of forbidden words can ever teach and create algorithms that can handle the breadth, depth and ferocity of dirty words I know I have used in the past week since I stubbed my toe. Let alone the stuff that my father used to say to the tv. And me.

Terribly tired and fed up waiting for his COVID vaccination,
Dr. Philmore Blemish III

Day-to-Day, Meaning of Life

The Stupid Force

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The Force The Force The Force The Force The ForceThe Force Stupidity – A Force for Change

There’s a force for change spreading through the world. It’s not what you think it is. It’s not positive thinking, or low carb diets, or even drug-induced cross-dressing. It’s the force of stupidity.

Think of it as the low-normal relative of  The Force except too many people use it to guide their daily existence. Like Trump believers.

You have heard me expound at length about the depth of human idiocy. My father, the realist/cynic salesman who could spot the force of stupidity at a distance, clued me in this force of nature when I was 12 years old. It’s only some 40 years later that I have seen it come to brutal fruition in the year of COVID.

Anti-maskers, anti-vaxxers, anti-matter and other antis have proven to me repeatedly that stupidity, probably like the Corona virus, is like a force of nature and as plentiful as oxygen. Likewise, it mutates and adapts almost as fast as Corona does.

Tap That Force

I’d like to know how we can harness and tap this force. Think of what we could do if we could control stupid energy, distill it and use it as an energy source. Screw oil, coal, natural gas and solar panels! And best of all, because stupid humans outnumber smart ones 7,799,999,943 to 17, it’s an almost limitless supply.

Come to think of it, it’s probably pretty easy to tap this stupid force. All you really need is a media outlet, people with smartphones or internet-enabled devices, and a lot of free time spent mostly trapped indoors.

Now how could I arrange that…? I bet if I developed a bio-weapon in a secret lab in a country under a dictatorial regime with evil global ambitions, I think I could pull this off.

What? It has been done already? Shit. [Note to readers: that last paragraph was for the stupid.]

Mentally stunned and emotionally stunted,
King Pho Khun Bang Klang Hao Druker

Stupidest person I know of

Day-to-Day, Meaning of Life

Bye Bye 2020, Hi 2021

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2021

Bye Bye 2020

From the creators of Stanko & Tibor, we bring you a formal good riddance to the annus rottenus and give proper welcome to the new year. A year of transition, promise, and most likely questionable fashion choices.

You may notice I used the plural when I said “creators” — it’s partially because I want to make this online rag sound much bigger than it is. And partially because all the time I have spent alone and indoors has made me develop multiple personalities just so I could hold a conversation with someone other than myself.  And maybe finally win that argument about which kind of danish is superior.

May your vaccination be painless and come quickly. And while you’re at it, have a few shots of booze or whatever makes you happy until it’s your turn.

Time for bed.

 

Day-to-Day, Meaning of Life

Masks and Mendacity (A Better Read Than Sense And Sensibility)

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Masks Masks Masks Masks Masks Masks MasksMasks Masking Mendacity

The other day I was unpacking the groceries, and contrary to habit, I decided to actually wash the veggies before I put them away so they’d be ready to eat. Suddenly, I felt I was being lied to. Let me explain before you go back to watching Netflix and/or swallowing hallucinogens.

As I unpacked the bunch of parsley (stop judging me, it goes well with potatoes) I realized that 50% of the delicious, leafy, green garnish was just stems. Just stems! I paid hard earned money and half of it was pretty useless. Then it dawned on me suddenly why this was so.

Obviously, it’s the Parsley Mafia who’s controlling what we get. Who else but a conniving bunch of greedy parsley power-brokers could pass off half a bunch as  a whole bunch and make a tidy profit off the stuff. It’s degrading and insulting but do you really have the courage to defeat the parsley mafia? Not to mention their lobbyists and secret cabal at the United Nations. And don’t pretend like you don’t know, either. You’re all probably in on it anyway.

And it’s absurdist, small gene puddle, low-IQ, Republican thinking like that which led to the current state of the USA, right-wing populists across the globe, and present-day Russia. Not to mention people who think that wearing a mask somehow shows you’re giving in to a global conspiracy or surrendering your freedom.

Somehow, the people who aren’t wearing masks intentionally are rebels. Freedom fighters. Turns out they’re just colossal morons who do what they feel is right. (Click the link, it takes to you to the best line ever from the Simpsons.)

Annus Horribilis or Mirabilis

You know, I didn’t think 2020 could get much worse, what with COVID-19, and all the associated misery. Plus the unending violence in the USA, ever increasing global temperatures and my danishes are more expensive too. Granted it’s not as bad the great Erfurt Latrine Disaster of 1184 (thank you, Lars). Now that was a shit hole. But it has been tough for all of us. Except the rich. What’s new.

So much has changed in this past year, what with masks now being all the fashion rage. It just used to be bank robbers, Mummenschanz and terrorists who wore these symbols of airborne disease-limitation. Who knew that in addition to wreaking havoc and death (especially Mummenschanz) they were ahead of their time in disease prevention.

It has been not just a year of death and disease, but our language has changed too. We now write “Black” with a capital ‘B’ when referring to Black people, culture and community. Small ‘b’ when the word precedes the words ‘market’, ‘car’, ‘mask’ or ‘heart’ (e.g. ‘Anyone who supports Trump has a black heart.’).

Circa Six Feet or Two Meters

The point being it’s all insanity anyway and maybe in addition to wearing masks, we should all permanently stay approximately six feet (or two meters) away from ANYONE and EVERYONE even after they’ve found a cure for this COVID crap. Granted that would make changing diapers and having sexual relations difficult, but it’s up to some smart MIT dude to come up with a solution. How many marriages would be better off that way? Now you get it.

Now, it’s time for bed and bizarre dreams of nose swabs, sports with no fans, and less expensive danish.

Insincerely yours,
Vladimir Guerrero Druker

When do you wear a mask?