Troubled by a world gone crazy around you? Not sure which way is up? Tired of the world’s major and minor religions, but also turned off by atheism’s dogmatic approach to facial hair? Are you angry at vegans because you know they’ll outlive you AND they act like the moral high ground, but you’re not quite angry enough to spike their food with meat juices and melted butter?
I couldn’t care less. But not because I don’t care — I really do. Just not now. I am just really tired. I don’t know which way is up. Or down. Or left or right. And don’t get me started on anything that’s diagonal or perpendicular.
But I do know I need some quality sleep.
Absurdity Is Up, Sleep is Down
A very large tranche of absurdity has been served to us this past year or so, and we all know the source – Trump’s America. It’s a bad place right now, but having just come back from a vacation overseas to Europe, where people are equally displeased although more demure about it, it did give some distance to think about it a lot less. Maybe it’s European indifference or snobbery. Or the heat. My goodness, the heat! It was as if the Earth has moved 2 miles closer to the sun.
Since it seems the world is on its head now and will stay that way for a long while, maybe it’s time to admit that up is down, and fat is slim. Maybe this summer’s global warming has finally fried our collective global brains. Maybe it’s a time for change. Which is usually a good thing, except in this case where the right and the left hate each other, the people in the middle are seen as weak for wanting — of all things — rational compromise! Scum. Filthy, filthy scum.
So what are we to do about these “divisionary” politics that drive us apart, cause tempers to flare just as the ever necessary moral air conditioning craps out?
How should I know? I am still really tired and I still can’t tell which way is up or down or whatever direction. I need ice cream, and some MAJOR distraction in the form of comics, or morally ambiguous Japanese anime.
Derisively derelict in my duties
Master Sargent Blake Druker
If you’re still following this delicately and artfully illustrated chronic of the human condition as depicted by gargoyles with stunted growth, then you have way too much time on your hands because you’re in prison or an insane asylum. And that is a great segue to this installment of the comic that does not take prisoners.
Because there is mention of Robert Mugabe and Hitler and both of those men should have been imprisoned and tortured. But I am not sure how the Gandhi reference got in there as he was on the other extreme of the spectrum, especially where fashion was concerned.
Why is it that the most fervent and fundamental followers of any religion have to wear a special garb or have a freaky hair-do? I mean, think about it. There is always some kind of furry adornment, like a hairy, furry streiml or some kind of lengthy beard like Osama or Khomeni had that looked like an insane religious barber had tended them. I won’t start on the Pope’s dress, sorry, cassock. Come on, you can’t tell me Jean-Paul Gauthier or Coco Channel didn’t have a hand in decorating that thing? And those Buddhists monks are just a layer of fabric away from walking the catwalk New York this fall.
But I digress.
It seems that the myth of religion is as critical as the traditions built in to it. And that you can’t have a good religion — you know one that spreads around and probably leads to a war and a conversion or two, not to mention some crazy garb worn by its most ardent practitioners — without a heck of a good back story, some fine threads, and some weird hair action.
And Francylvanian Reform does that for those of you tired of the run-of-the-mill religions that preach peace and violence in the same breath. This one has wombats, inner peace and I think a lot of meat and soup. Probably not vegan friendly, but vegans are just as ardent a religious group as any organized set of preachers and followers, just with way worse food and far too many clothes made of hemp. Have you seen these people? It’s way more than a lifestyle choice.
So choose what religion you will, whatever makes you happy. And if you’re an atheist, keep sneering, keep eating, and watch stuff on YouTube til your eyes go buggy.
If religion is indeed the opiate of the masses, where does that leave TV? Or better yet, the Internet? Are they runners-up? Or are they competitors for the annual title Opiate of the Masses competition held yearly at the headquarters of Religion Inc., noted printers of religious materials for all the worlds’ religions, working out of a copy shop near the back alley in the east end of the city. They have such a shameful markup, especially on the DVDs they produce. It’s scandalous.
But I digress.
So in the grand competition of the title of the Opiate of the Masses, it seems religion is in deep competition with other forms of enslavement, such as the aforementioned Internet and TV, but also and equally pervasive fried foods, food deep fired with a batter, sugary confections that use a slightly adjusted version of heroin and petroleum as the basic ingredients. Let us not forget pornography, German sports cars, clothing, most Apple products, home decorating and renovation shows, cooking TV shows where people swear and compete for nothing really meaningful, slasher movies, cement glue, pain killers and stuffed animals.
It turns out that after extensive research with my eyes closed and subsequent navel-gazing just after a large pasta-based meal that religion is what you make of it. And in this particular instance of the comic that is being denounced by most religious leaders and even cult leaders for stealing valuable Internet bandwidth, it seems that our lead character is a man of religion, a religion not know to many, quite obscure and pretty bizarre. Who knew that Buddhists smoke cigarettes like that?
Then again they are Francylvanian Reform, so the fundamental elements of the religion (abstinence from fried potato products and trimming hedges into the shapes of rabbits) aren’t being followed. They are just holding on to the traditions so they can make sure his mother doesn’t give him even more guilt for corrupting the child.
So let this be a message unto you — eat your fried foods, they are good for you and they’ll keep you coming back for more.