Tag Archives: politics

How To Replace Democracy – TwitFace

 

Stanko & Tibor - How To Replace Democracy TwitFace

Date: December, snowy, and bathed in the glow of a computer monitor. Still trying to find a replacement for democracy that doesn't involve fascists. Or social media.

Democracy: It’s Easier Than Flossing

For some time there was a theory that flossing regularly could somehow help deter heart attacks. That theory has been disproven and rightfully so. Anything having to do with flossing is inherently evil, largely because no one I know, except dentists, the children of dentists, oral hygienists and psycho-killers, has ever been for a dental checkup and heard from said oral care specialist “your flossing habits are excellent!” We always get the drill of guilt for not having flossed either sufficiently or at all. And then a weather front of shame rolls in.

How does flossing in any, way, shape or form relate to my valiant search for something to replace democracy yet does not involve secret police, fascism, communism, or a form thereof? It’s a stretch, I admit, but I had a lot of coffee and sugar this morning so I think I can make this work.

Practice Makes Imperfect

Like so many things in life, the more you do something, usually the easier it gets. For example, kissing, thieving, knitting a wool hat, or hammering a nail. Same goes for flossing.

Your first attempt usually involves a valiant and often violent struggle with the roll of dental floss, or if you use one of those new fangled flossing implements, repeatedly stabbing your inner cheek walls or upper palette to the point where the pain-induced tear that runs down your eye winds up in your mouth, mere seconds after you’ve rattled off a series of profanities best suited for a confession box. (See National Lampoon’s That’s Not Funny, That’s Sick)

But after a while, you get it, you know how to do it, and it becomes almost second nature if you practice a bit. Sure, you might not be perfect, but you know what to do come floss-time. Same goes — or should go — for democracy.

Show Up, Choose, Leave

The democratic process is pretty simple, and depending on where you live and under what conditions, you usually have to practice the skill (and art) of choosing a candidate (or defacing the ballot) maybe every couple of years. So you do get some practice.

Not unlike the flossing described above, you do have to suffer a bit before you get to vote. There are course the interminable election campaigns, which are not unlike the fear one experiences prior to going to the dentist’s, or better yet, these campaigns may be more akin to actually being in the dentist’s chair just before the gum-wrecking, tooth-extracting, needle-inserting, pain-enhancing physician and assistant enter the room to tell you several thousand dollars of expensive and painful fixes are required, and to take out a loan to cover the costs.

Election campaigns are horrendous, wasteful, vainglorious affairs but, like flossing, they are part of the procedure and you can become numb to them with enough exposure. That could be bad if you experience blood loss living through either the flossing or the election campaign. But at the same time, its not all that hard to do your democratic duty. It takes 3 simple steps: Show up, choose, and then leave.

But Am I Qualified?

This begs the question — if, in a democracy, anyone eligible can vote, are they really qualified to vote? Many have suggested the same holds true for making and rearing a child. Too many are eligible and too few are qualified, yet we let that happen all the time (until that kind Mr. Trump spikes our drinking water with birth control pills). But I digress.

We test people who want to drive a car to see if they are competent — and again, too many are eligible and too few are qualified, even if they didn’t sleep with and/or bribe the driving instructor. Yet, 22-chromosed morons and idiots show up to take their driver’s test, choose some answers, spin around a parking lot and leave with a permit for motorized mayhem in their sweaty, greasy, unwashed, little hands.

Should we have means testing to determine who is qualified to vote? Who would decide this? (Answer: me, and me alone) How would this even be enforced? (Answer: lots of robots and a ton of domestic spying). If we tested for intelligence, would it be based on math? science? or a canonical knowledge of Star Wars and Bugs Bunny? (Answer: I’m leaning towards Bugs Bunny)

So much to contemplate, yet it’s so perilously close to dinner. And food wins every time over deep, rational thought.

With a warm heart and a glaring bald spot,

Mephistopheles “Bringer Noxious Emissions” Druker

Sexy Law Beast

All ye who have read this passage of text, and have not hit the ‘Delete’ button (usually triggered by the primordial fear of being identified as a reader, or even worse, a fan of the artistic creation electronically penciled by a man who is often accused by his doctors as being unwell at the physical and metaphysical levels), may ye be blessed for not following conventional wisdom and social pressures that strongly suggest you should shun the latest edition of Stanko & Tibor, the comic that dares to be different.

It is with this holiday season here and me on vacation that I give you these thoughts to chew on. Not tender, melt-in-your-mouth morsels of humor, but rather they are more gristle with some decent meat to it and well-marinated in ever more sinus and cold medicine.  You really have to chew on them like a $7.00 fried steak and think about what it is this comic is trying to say. If you have figured it out, please tell me so at least more than one of us is clued in.

This is an offbeat episode of Stanko & Tibor, but it is meant to give you time to reflect on what a bunch of weirdos the Republican candidates are, and how it’s great fodder for a guy like me who is always looking for inspiration. And as this comic tells us, falling asleep with the TV on, you tend to get strange dreams, and even better ideas for the comic. No, I don’t watch porno or Law & Order. I subscribe to basic cable and Teletoon, so you can see where my priorities lie.

Furthermore, I didn’t want to deprive you of a good chuckle, and it’s better to produce something I deemed humorous when I thought of it in the shower so I can keep my skills sharp and then in the New Year, get back to the story line I want to experiment with on you folks.

I want to wish the loyal readers of this oeuvre d’art who aren’t taking mood-adjusting medication and/or who haven’t had corrective eye surgery for tweeting, forwarding, sharing and promoting my mission to make the world laugh one person at a time via this electronic vehicle called Stanko & Tibor. It would be nice if you actually bought a t-shirt or a piece of swag so I could afford the hosting fees to do this. Just saying is all.

To those lighting the candles, happy Hanuka. To those looking forward to some yuletide cheer, eat, drink and loosen your belts. Overeating is worth it, I know. And have a “good slide” into the New Year.

With love and kisses, Father Jon

Coffee & The Motto

It’s cool and fall-like outside, politics is rampant, my cold is rampant and I need some time to sleep. Or hibernate.

This the continuation of the absurd politics storyline (is there any other kind?) that I felt needed some additional silliness. So he’s founding the Coffee Party since the Tea Party is already taken. And tea is for sissies anyway.

What is truly odd is that there is a real coffee party, which I think some drug-addled Democrat came up with to counter the Tea Party. no one said the Dems were any smarter than the GOP. And that rally is the crux of the issue, isn’t it? We elect people who have marshmallow for brains, doesn’t matter what side of the electoral isle you’re on. Kind of like choosing between root canal and voluntary spleen removal, both without anesthetic.

Makes me also think that if I could have a benevolent dictatorship that ensured fresh bagels, Italian sausage and possibly fresh radish salad on demand, I could live without voting.

I promise to have some zippy election campaign mottoes for you to laugh or sneer at in coming episodes.

Enjoy the comic, and if you don’t get the humor, don’t worry. Neither do I.

Hugs and kisses
Emperor Cassius Drukerus

Political Theater

Dear readers of this comic body politic,

Upon watching the vitriol that is U.S. politics and the election campaign of bitter rivals in a country so divided, I realized that truth takes a second, or third place to what political pundits call “name calling.” And there is not darker, more cynical, more hate-inspired bastion of name calling than American politics.

And it teaches something about human nature that we should all learn from. Politicians and especially their handlers (cuz lord knows they have to be handled like thin-shelled Faberge eggs) have to be creative hurlers of insults, fantastic backhanded compliment givers, and plain old liars. Because where power is concerned, there are no rules, there are no holds barred, there is only the denigration of the other. And let me tell you, it employs a whole lot of people so don’t discount that as a force for employment in this economically savaged world we live in.

So maybe it’s we eligible voters who should allow this name calling and denigration, if only because it allows so many otherwise despicable, bitter and unemployable people to be tax-paying, productive members of society. That is, until one side is elected that claimed the other side was a pack of scum-sucking bottom-feeders and the elected become blood-sucking leeches on the society that elected them. Funny how that works, eh?

In short, we have to live hypocrisy of all manner (print, radio, online and TV), even revel in it  — otherwise we’ll disengage and play with our Xbox or download “adult” content. And if this name calling is worth anything, it’s that it keeps politicos off the street every time there is an election otherwise they’d be stuck inhaling toner and the copy shop and then begging for money and insulting you while ignoring them

May you vote in peace.

Stay strong,

Recently paroled Congressman Jon