Oh to be thin again, to be limber again, to be less gaseous and less rotund again. And to have healthy, strong teeth again. Having chipped my tooth some weeks ago, one of my front teeth no less, I realized that the onset of age, even in the realm of the dental knows no mercy.
As I stare into the mirror and smile to see this chipped chopper, I wonder both silently and aloud, “how the heck did my wife ever agree to marry someone as challenged in the looks department as me?” That question took on deeper significance this weekend as it was our wedding anniversary, and she — who felt duty-bound to keep her word and marry me despite probably having heavily regretted it when she woke up the next morning after I had proposed knowing she was under the influence of both jet lag and alcohol — once again said these past 13 years have felt like 13 minutes. Under water.
What does any of this have to do with this episode of the comic foretold in the bible as one of the 4 signs of the apocalypse and referred to by Salman Rashdie in his book club as “not suitable material to wipe a baby’s butt” have to do with toothpaste and beauty? I’m really not sure, to be honest. This is the Internet after all and they let any putz with a keyboard and the ability to type publish pretty much anything they want, so it’s your fault for reading this.
But I digress. The idea for this particular episode was not actually related to the aforementioned description of dental damage. It was a mere reflection of the marketing wordsmiths who gave us “new and improved” and other such marketing gems. And with that explanation, I will trundle to bed with a belly full of Thai food, a car magazine at the ready and maybe an intense focus on a 8-hour face-to-face discussion I’ll be having with my pillow shortly.
To those who have celebrated this long weekend with family, food and merriment, I wish you well. And remember to take out the garbage and brush your teeth.
First Officer of the R0yal Brigade of Sheep Herders Lord Druker upon Cushy Bed
As I sat at my desk today performing menial, mind-numbing tasks in order to help a colleague, my various trains of thoughts, all loaded with many cars of twisted, ephemeral cargo, skipped the tracks, as if a drunken, heavily unionized switchman on his last day of work before vacation and with a large dose of cold medication in him were at the switching controls.
And it’s apt that I mention cold medication as I have been suffering (not loudly enough it seems) from a sinus infection that only now, after what would seem like a few hundred decongestant pills and other kinds of sprays and vats of chicken soup that have been popped into my body on a pretty regular basis, seems to be getting a little better. But only a little. I still need reasons to complain.
As for those thoughts skipping off in different directions, I managed just long enough to string together enough of them to do this cartoon, on a topic that cried out to be covered by the sharpest mind, the keenest wit, the most vicious humor this side of the western hemisphere. Unfortunately, he’s on vacation and the rest of the staff were fired due to “right-sizing” and “rationalization” so I was left with the job of cartooning this sucker. How it got from Wall St. protests to dim sum I am really not sure.
It really did distract me from my ever more decrepit house that requires untold amounts of stabilization and repair (think Champlain Bridge, but far worse workmanship). If I could convince you people to buy a t-shirt, or better yet, when I get around to it, the e-book I plan on creating of this comic, I would have just enough to finance those repairs. Or buy the repairmen a beer. You have been warned — an e-book is coming of the Stanko & Tibor saga.
So keep reading this comedic/operatic saga that will stand the test of time, unless my PC dies before then. Highly likely.
Be well, and don’t forget to speak with pride when you mention my comic to your shrink and/or parole officer.
Anno 2010 has come and gone, and I say good riddance. Floods, drought, scandals, financial shocks, food fights, barbarism, nudity, dirty underwear being laundered in public. And I am just talking about my household.
But on the upside, it’s a new year, there are new challenges, new horizons, new taxes. Oh wait, that isn’t an upside unless you work for the government. But I digress.
This particular episode of the comic that helped redefine the meaning of the word “spam” and led to the literary critic at the New York Times to refer to Stanko & Tibor as “unfit to line my bird cage” was inspired partially by real events. My little child wrote a letter to Santa and actually just wished him well and didn’t ask for any gifts, she just sent him hugs and kisses and sent a hug to Rudolf too.
As for the Santa Corp angle, well, I had to make it somewhat funny and after a return to financial excess by Wall Street, hey, I couldn’t resist taking a pot shot at that. Could you? Didn’t think so.
So all the best for the New Year and keep reading and laughing and “liking” the comic on Facebook.
As this series winds down, I keep finding gems to scribble out and add to the comic theme. I may have to change the name of the comic to Radio Vitriol.
I couldn’t resist this cheap pot shot at the boss of Goldmann Sachs, simply because he’s supremely confident and arrogant, and way richer than I could ever be even if I had a money printing press. Also, he’s amazing at making himself look like a jerk, so he makes my job of cartooning way easier. Thank you.
It’s close to midnight, so sleep well, my readers and fans. I am looking into putting a DIGG button on the site as well as trying to drive more traffic to the comic site. I thank Rick for his help in advance.
I have spent a huge amount of time just trying to get this blog up and running, and now it’s a hassle. Can’t I cartoon in peace?
I sit at home, sick like a dog, with pills taking the edge off my cold. So in between napping and a state of semi-awakedness (isn’t that a word?), I decided to post the latest comic that I completed while still semi-healthy, which was about 2 days ago. The germs in my body were fomenting some kind of rebellion, but I didn’t know it at the time. It looks like they are winning.
This particular episode will begin a short series called “Radio Vitriol” that I hope will amuse you and possibly offend some of you. But isn’t that the point of this comic? I had lots of fun coming up with the dialog for this series of stories as I get to make fun of everyone and everything AND use my gift for humor and illustration to serve humankind a steaming bowl of laughter and insight.
So enjoy this series, more is sure to come once I am healthy again. I am sweating again, so that is a sign I should lie down.
Oh, and one more thing:
A happy Passover and Easter to those of you celebrating. A note to the Jewish contingent out there – you know that saying that a piece of buttered toast always hits the floor butter-side down, well the same thing applies with matzah. Not sure if that applies to Easter chocolates or any grilled lamb dishes.
Take care all and be healthy. I am going to lie down and sleep.